The thought that made my grief heavier

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

I remember the days after my son died.

I felt numb and heartbroken all at once.

What surprised me most was how certain I was that everyone could see my grief. I carried it so heavily that I believed it was visible to everyone around me.

When I walked my dog in the morning, I was convinced people looked at me and knew.

There goes the mother who lost her child.

I carried that thought everywhere.

I hated it.

It made me feel worse. It made my grief heavier. It fueled my misery. Yet I continued to think it, over and over again, allowing it to shape how I experienced the world.

When I finally began questioning that thought, I discovered something important.

The reason I disliked it so much wasn’t because other people pitied me. It was because I pitied myself.

And I despise pity.

Even today, when I tell someone new that my son died, their response is often filled with pity. Almost instinctively, I tell them, “It’s OK.”

I’m not sure that’s the right response.

And honestly, I don’t think most people believe me when I say it.

In their minds, it’s not OK.

But that’s because they’ve already created a story about my loss.

That’s what our minds do. We create stories.

Over the years, I’ve taught myself a different habit. Whenever I’m facing a challenge, I intentionally look for what is right alongside what feels wrong.

For me, what makes my son’s passing OK is that he lived.

His death is part of his story, but it is not the entire story.

When I think about him, I don’t begin with the end. I begin with his life.

I remember his laughter, his personality, the love he gave and received, and the impact he had during the time he was here.

His death is the quiet “end” of his story.

It was never the story itself.

When you’re struggling with a painful thought, try on a different one.

Not because you’re forcing positivity. Not because you’re denying reality.

Simply because some thoughts serve you better than others.

Like trying on a new sweater, see how the thought fits.

Does it feel natural?

Does it bring a little more peace?

Does it create space where there was suffering?

If it does, keep it.

The stories we tell ourselves matter.

Choose the ones that help you carry life’s hardest moments with a little more grace.

If you need help finding new thoughts that fit, schedule with me here 👇🏼

https://www.yourcoachcamille.com/book-now

Xo, Camille ✨